I hope you never…

I hope you never have to live in my world.

I hope you never know  what it feels like to have to walk down that long hospital hallway, on your way to say good bye to your baby, knowing it is the last time you will see your baby with breath in his lungs.

I hope you are never put in the position to make that choice, whether your baby lives or dies.

I hope you never have to watch your baby die in your arms.

I hope you never have to watch your baby take his last breath.

I hope you never have to decide if you want an autopsy on your baby.

I hope you never have to return home with empty arms.

I hope you never have to decide whether you want your baby cremated or buried.

I hope you never have to pick out an outfit for your baby to be buried in.

I hope you never have to know what it feels like to drive to your baby’s funeral.

I hope you never have to watch your baby’s casket get lowered into the ground.

I hope you never, ever have to know what it feels like to survive the death of your baby.

I hope you never have to raise your only living child without his siblings.

I hope you never have to look down at your scar and be reminded every single day that you SHOULD have a baby in your arms.

I hope you never have to feel what it is like to live this hell. This nightmare that has no end.

I hope you never have to wake up every single morning hoping that everything is back to “normal”.

I hope you never have to feel what I feel every single second of every single day, for the rest of my life.

I hope you never have to endure the day to day reminders and triggers that your baby died.

I hope you never have to know what it feels like to go back into society and feel so isolated and alone.

I hope you never have to live with a piece of your heart missing.

I hope you never have to contact me because now you are a bereaved mother, I don’t want that to be our common bond.

I hope you never have to know what it feels like to have your baby die.

I hope you are never a bereaved mother (or father).

 

bradley love

 

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This entry was posted in Bradley's Story, motherhood, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I hope you never…

  1. Lindsey what an awful experience for you and your family. I have no words and this brought tears to my eyes thinking about the pain you must all be feeling. Bradley was obviously very loved by you and I know he knew that. hugs

  2. Beautifully written. I feel the same way. It breaks my heart to think others will go through what we have gone through. Hugs ❤️

  3. Lindsey, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear sweet Bradley. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you and your family have experienced. Sending hugs your way.

  4. My heart is breaking for you! I a so so sorry Lindsey! I wish I could just hug you!
    🙏~Kelli

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