I talk about him. {Plus a Book Update}

I am actually sitting down at my computer, writing a post. The last time I was on here was last year, 2016. I don’t know why it has been so long but here I am. On social media, I am very open with my grief. If you started following me, in the last two years, on any of my accounts it won’t take long to realize that one of my son’s died. I do not hide the fact that I lost a child. I also do not share as much as I would like either. Each post or photo I share about grief, child loss, Bradley, a million thoughts go through my head before I hit that “post” button. A million questions I answer to myself. I may look too much into things. I am an over thinker, by nature. I go through a mental check list before I post anything remotely related to Bradley. Have I posted too many “sad posts”? Will someone think my account is too much for them? Will someone think I am still “stuck” in my grief? Will someone think to themselves “she is still talking about her son that died over 2 years ago”? These are just a few questions that cross my mind. Yes, writing these out right here, they sound irrational.

When I write about my grief journey, I am not looking for pity, I don’t want others to feel sorry for me, and I don’t want others to feel guilty about their own life. That is not my intention at all.

I have to remind myself daily why I am open about my grief, online.

For my son’s memory.

For newly bereaved parents so they know they aren’t alone.

For  the bereaved parents who grieve silently.

To break the silence of child loss, at any stage.

To help friends and family support the grieving parent better.

The moment Bradley took his last breath and I continued living, I knew it would be my job to make sure he wasn’t forgotten. The weight of that is exhausting at times because truthfully, it sucks. It’s not fair that he isn’t here to tell it. I shouldn’t be the one to tell his story but I am.  I have to continue his story, the short life he lived has to be told. This is his story, our story and I will share his life with who ever will listen (or read).  I love when I get questions from others, even strangers, I welcome them. As a bereaved parent, questions about your child who died are few and far between. No one wants to talk about the loss of a baby because it makes it too real, for them. The silence from others is defining. When I get random questions about Bradley’s life, I eagerly answer because I will gladly talk about my son.

I talk about him not because I am “stuck” or haven’t “moved on” but because he is my son. Plain and simple. He is my son. I am his mother.

I will talk about him until I take my last breath here on this earth. He will not be forgotten.

September 6, 2015 12:05 pm This was the moment where a piece of me was taken when he died, I will never be the same again and that’s okay. That is okay. I have to repeat that to myself almost daily. Reminding my new self that I’m not the same person as I once was.

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“Surviving my First Year of Child Loss: Personal stories from grieving parents”

I have been given the honor and privilege to be chosen to be apart of a new book published and created by Nathalie Himmelrich. I am one of twenty-six contributors that have gone back in their early grief and bravely shared their story in memory of their children.

What to expect:

You will read twenty-six unique stories about loss, grief, joy, sadness, healing, love and everything in between. You will feel connected with each one in a different way then the one before. For the grieving parent, you will not feel alone. There are others out there that have experienced this unimaginable loss and they have survived and so will you.

Who should read this book?

The newly Bereaved parents, friends and family of the grieving and any one who wants to read personal stories of loss, love and surviving the depths of grief. This book is for everyone.

Want to read all 26 contributor’s biographies?

http://grievingparents.net/surviving-first-year-child-loss-contributors/

How do I purchase a copy?

Pre-order the book now. Release date: September 2017 (Very soon!)

http://nathaliehimmelrich.com/product/surviving-my-first-year-of-child-loss-pre-order/

Why should I donate?

This is a not-for-profit book. Donations provide copies to hospitals, bereavement centers, grief retreats, doctors offices, and any other not-for-profit organizations.

How do I donate?

No donation is too small. Consider making a donation in memory of Bradley, in honor of his 2nd birthday that just passed (September 2, 2015).

http://grievingparents.net/donate/

Want to get up to date information on the book?

Follow on Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/SurvivingMyFirstYearOfChildLoss/

Final thoughts:

This post was finished today, on the “anniversary” of Bradley’s second year of his death. It is hard to put into words anymore what this life feels like. I tried for so long to get others to really feel what I feel but I later realized that it is just not possible. I remind myself daily that my purpose in life now is to honor and remember Bradley in any way that I can. Being a part of this amazing book is just one small way to honor my son. I hope you consider purchasing this book and/or making a donation so this resource is available to others in their early grief.

Until next time.

Love and light,

Bradley’s Mom

bradley 3

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9 Responses to I talk about him. {Plus a Book Update}

  1. Alex says:

    Your words make dark times a little brighter. You offer hope to those who are hurt. Because of your support these little lives will live on in our hearts forever. Your pain is proof of the unconditional and immediate bond that exists between a mother and child. I know Bradley feels that love and I believe it is he who gives you the strength to continue on and fight for his memory and all the sweet little angels who left us too soon. Love and prayers to all.

  2. sarahdudek80 says:

    It was so lovely to see your post show up in my reader. I am so glad we have connected and become friends. I think it is so beautiful how you honor Bradley and stay true and open to your feelings. Thank you for sharing with us and allowing us to be a part of this. Your boys are so lucky to have you.

  3. Kathryn says:

    Just reading this really resonated with me, I lost my daughter, Beth July 26th 2016, she was 17. The last year has been really hard, we were very close, and I try to keep her memory alive, people were sympathetic and supportive, but now a year has passed the visits have lessened and not many people talk about her anymore, I post pictures and share articles and I think it makes people uncomfortable, and some people avoid me and others who I thought would be there for me were not. My daughter was important, she lived and was loved and changed my life forever, I love you Beth 💜

    • Kathryn, I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Beth. I know there is nothing that I can say to bring her back but know you aren’t alone, and Beth won’t be forgotten.
      Yes, it is so heartbreaking, as more time passes, others forget. I too feel the same, I post on social media and feel everyone is “over it” (so to speak). It hurts our already broken hearts.

      Beth will always be remembered.
      Last year, I started this “Memorial Tree” during the Holiday season and will continue this year as well. As it gets closer to December I will posting about it on my social media outlets. Would it be okay if I add an ornament with Beth’s name on it, to the tree?

  4. I appreciate your blogging. I’ve been talked about being “stuck” in my grief for mentioning my daughter, Kaley, far too many times. But you are correct. I talked about her because she’s simply my daughter and I am her mother. ❤️ Thank you for that!

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